Today is the eve of my best friends due date. Her first baby is due to be born tomorrow, a baby girl! I'm absolutely thrilled for her and so excited to meet this gorgeous new life and watch her grow!
I haven't always felt this way. It's not that I wasn't happy for her when she found out she was pregnant (after trying for almost 6 months) it's just that I always thought I'd be the first of us to have kids. When I found out she was having a girl, I was even more gutted because that's what I always dreamed of!
About 4 years ago I decided I wanted to start trying to create a family but I was having a few health issues that I won't go into detail with. I desperately wanted a child (hopefully a girl first) but it just didn't seem to happen. I think sub-consciously I knew I wasn't ready for it so I sabotaged the efforts in all sorts of ways (that I'll also not go into detail about). I eventually gave up trying after maybe a year and a half of being disappointed every month, it's a grueling process trying to have children! One that everyone (well almost) must go through and it's almost like a roller-coaster of emotions.
So when I found out she would be first to have a child I was torn between being ecstatic that her dreams and wishes and prayers had come true and grieving over the family I didn't have yet. I guess I'd always wanted to have my first child before I was 25..
Instead I have spent the last few years partying up and enjoying myself before I get too old and it's too late. I truly wouldn't have wanted it any other way! I'm so happy with the journey I've been on in the last few years! Now I think I'm ready to take that plunge and go for it! Wish me luck!
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